Touch me

 I am longing to be held

To be crushed in love

We sit crossed legs on the floor, and your leg presses against mine, and it's beautiful

I play with your hair and feel the weight of your head on my lap, and I can't think of anywhere else to be

You rest your head on my shoulder, and I try to become a more comfortable perch, urging you silently to stay

Our feet lean together, and I feel alive again

You ask if a side hug is okay, and I have to stop myself from telling you that I wish each hug could last for hours

I ask you to feel how cold my hands are, but I'm also asking you to touch me, to prove that I am also still a person

The last two years have starved me of touch, of recognizing myself as human

You rub my back, and I recoil slightly, not because it is unwanted, but because I've wanted to be touched for so long

I feel my humanity once again

So please, my friends, let your hugs last a little longer, let our fingers brush reaching for the door, let me play with your hair when we're drunk

Let me never let you go.

Hellcat (2021)